JOURNEY FROM 95% TO 81%
Starts with Online classes going for 1 month and the announcement of Offline classes. I could never be grateful for the faculty who taught dedicatedly to us. Everything went perfectly until 4 tests after the start of offline classes when my score fell by 30 marks. I never thought deeply about it that it would change me for the whole year. I started to perform badly. It was the time when even after counseling I couldn't push my limits. But I never gave up. I tried to do my best. It was the time when I started developing hate and fear for Maths and Love for Physics and Chemistry. It is a lesson to all the aspirants that never consider only two subjects or one subject as a major or else you are gonna face the exact problem that I faced and facing now. JEE is an exam of PCM not (PC, CM, or PM). Even in my 11th finals, I couldn't get good marks in Maths. Now my average score was around 120 to 130 at the end of the first year.
Without caring what I performed in 1st Year I mustered the courage to do well in the second year. Every test be it mains or Advanced without caring what rank I stood I tried to score well more than what I did in the First Year until June Mid my performance was good. But due to many other issues, I got my performance again down after getting the highest score since I joined the college. Well, I was doing Chemistry and Physics again well and left Maths. My health started deteriorating badly until I had to go to hospital. I lost classes for more than 2 weeks. I stopped doing JEE mains and Advanced seriously as I started to prepare for NDA. I couldn't clear it on my first attempt because I lost due to 1 mark for qualifying in maths. Again devastating and unable to digest the fact that I had given almost 1 month preparing social, Maths of 2 years, English, and Current Affairs, no point in arguing. Apart from all now, it was time for revision. It was again a rat race when I shifted my position of seating from first to last bench soon my marks vs ranks came down like that. I was understanding, practicing but no results. Even 1st Year Revision was over and now again time for 2nd Year when I had taken some tactful decisions in my life.
I was happy outwardly but inner was being burnt out every day. I used to have sleepless nights thinking of what will happen in the future. Unable to cope with the class and vast syllabus. Disappointment in my teachers, hopes of my parents, and my past performance all started to trigger me every day. It was the start of the New Year, wanted to be it the best year.
Never thought that I would break down so badly that my aunt was scared because of my situation that I won't take any bad decisions like self-harm. I talked to my parents and teachers and broke down so badly that I am UNABLE TO DO IT! Thanks to Venkatesh sir and Anuradha Mam who gave me a lot of courage to let me start from scratch. Left with 30 days, 80+ chapters, 0 mock tests, and extremely bad marks. I had a positive edge towards Arts as it was my hobby. I gave 3 days for UCEED and qualified with a total of 75 marks, no use. Rank in 3000: No scope. Now was left with CBSE. Never saw what would a topper answer sheet look like, or how to attempt the paper. I became mad while studying every day. Not enough sleep, no proper diet, never cared what I was...Just mad behind scoring 90%. This was another breaking point when I got a lot of days for preparation for CS but gave every day for JEE main. Used to travel for 2 hours, Used to give mocks of 6 hours, studying extra 4 hours for mains. I felt a positive vibe when I was doing JEE but never thought that again on the second attempt, I would get the same as the first.
One good thing that happened to me in this phase was, without zero preparation I could crack NDA(1) 2023. Happiness in my parents and Teachers, still can't forget; but the question marks faces of the uncertainty that will my daughter get into a good college my parents vanishes the happiness about qualifying for mini UPSC. I am neither happy nor sad about what happened to me. The irony of this journey was 80 to 85% became my repeating number. Happy to score well in my favorites.
I guess every phase of this journey of mine taught many of the juniors many lessons. I still have more like 7 to 8 exams. I started this journey by focusing more on the Advanced portion than the mains, which misfired. I am happy that yet with this approx 5 to 6 months of hard work gave me 82.5%ile and 2 weeks of CBSE preparation gave me 81%. JEE is not a journey it's a one-time and only lifetime experience. Every day I am not asking for the ultimate power to get me good marks, better ranks, and the best college, I am praying for what is happening or will be going to happen well in my life. I know I would break down for a moment but I can't do anything other than just to move on. I get tears because I was serious and I had fought enough to come out of my comfort zone. I am not a failure because Failure can never be a person, it's an event or situation.
It's my story and it's not an ending, it's just started again in a new running race, this isn't some 50m or 100m race, it's a marathon.
I hope indirectly it gave the message to many aspirants and my juniors. All the best juniors and other aspirants.
Signing off
M.L.Prasanna
student of Sr.CBSE batch (2021-2023)
Ascent Junior College
Note: Opinions expressed by authors are their own.
Pic credits: Pixabay
Mula Lakshmi Prasanna
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